


(Not Just) Another Morning in the Batcave

by siriuslyyellow



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), DCU
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Written in 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-05
Updated: 2012-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-03 01:02:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuslyyellow/pseuds/siriuslyyellow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred walks in on Batman and the Joker.</p>
<p>Challenge: Batman/Joker, scar-tissue, virtuoso, cheshire-grin, "What do we have here?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Not Just) Another Morning in the Batcave

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on the LJ community bjts_monthlyfic.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What did you expect me to say, sir, ‘what do we have here'?"

Bruce did not care for the dismissive tone of Alfred's voice at that precise moment. "I did expect some shock. Or better yet, a knock."

Alfred looked thoughtfully at Bruce. "Sir, I have never knocked when I enter the Batcave, and I do not intend to start now. Besides, you must think me dimwitted if you thought I wouldn't have caught on by now. All those nights down here with a perfectly good, and expensive, might I add, bed upstairs."

The blanket shifted underneath Bruce as the Joker stretched out languorously next to him, stopping briefly to pull a knife out from under his thigh. "Mornin', _Bats_. Wai-tuh. You have a _bed_?

Bruce slowly laid his face into his palms. "This cannot be happening."

Alfred continued as if Bruce had not just spoken, "I was shocked, of course, at first, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. And yes, I must admit, seeing him lying beside you that first time almost sent me to an early grave, just from the shock of it! But it's been happening so regularly recently…"

Alfred shrugged, to indicate that he had gotten used to the situation.

Which, with the Joker naked beside him, seemed completely absurd to Bruce.

" _Aaaal…_ Got any of that _frothy_ stuff I/ilie-kuh?" The Joker stood up, oblivious to his lack of clothing, and began to look around the area, throwing things over his shoulder as he went.

Alfred nodded. "I brought it with me." He then proceeded to place a tray of breakfast foods down on the nearest counter. "Is there anything else?"

Bruce blinked, then asked Alfred in an accusatory tone, nudging his head to indicate the Joker, "How long have you been friendly with him?"

The Joker cackled and took a big gulp of the foamy liquid. He choked, then smacked his lips together quickly a few times before licking the foam off of his lips. He looked at the mug and demanded, "Don't be ho-tuh."

"For less time than you've been shagging him, I'd imagine." Alfred smiled winningly, then turned and left.

"You are a _frothy_ virtuoso! Spare-duh _again_ today," the Joker shouted after Alfred as he went up the elevator into the main house.

Bruce looked at the Joker. When he started sleeping with him, he had intended to keep it just to himself. He didn't want the Joker affecting him in his normal life. But now, with Alfred knowing…

He sighed and fell back down against the blanket. It was a stupid idea anyway. Batman was his normal life. Bruce Wayne was the mask. How long was he going to keep pretending?

Bruce reached over and grabbed the Joker's make-up bag from underneath a table. "J."

The Joker looked and giggled delightfully, set his mug down, then grabbed the bag and giggled again. "I was looking for tha-tuh. Thanks, Bats _baby_."

Bruce couldn't help it, he smiled. The Joker's permanent cheshire-grin uplifted in answer to his own. Bruce reached up and pulled the Joker down, kissing him forcefully. The Joker moaned and cleared his throat, then tsked. Bruce ignored him, and moved to suck on his neck.

"No-tuh now, Batty. I gotta _go _." The Joker groaned and moved away, biting Bruce's ear before getting up.__

__"And what do you have planned for today?" Bruce smirked, already knowing the answer._ _

__"You'll _find out_ tonigh-tuh."_ _

__The Joker threw on his clothes while Bruce just sat there and watched. He might have normally gotten dressed around this point, but he had no intention to face Alfred anytime for the rest of the year, so not getting up seemed like a pretty good idea to him._ _

__Bruce raised an eyebrow quizzically at the Joker. "When were you going to tell me you talked to Alfred?"_ _

__" _Never_. That'd be telling." The Joker laughed at his own joke._ _

__Bruce smiled at the sound, then quickly became alarmed, "Don't kill him."_ _

__The Joker guffawed at that. " _If_ I wanted to, he'd be _dea-duh_ by now."_ _

__This placated Bruce a bit, and he was content to just watch as the Joker finished putting his make-up on. The whole process fascinated Bruce. How the Joker became the Joker every day. Not that he wasn't the Joker when he didn't have his clothes and make-up on. It was just weird to see the transformation of marred flesh to painted face. Bruce didn't know if he'd ever get used to it. He wondered if the Joker thought the same thing about him when he wasn't wearing his Batman suit. That was the thing about having different identities. You couldn't be both at the same time, no matter how hard you tried._ _

__When he was finally dressed and ready, the Joker cackled and wiggled his butt. "Lie-kuh what you _see_?"_ _

__Bruce smirked, nodded, and the Joker jumped on top of him, pinning Bruce's arms above his head._ _

__"This is normally my position," Bruce growled seductively in the Joker's ear._ _

__The Joker shivered and licked a line from Bruce's chest to chin. "You _nee-duh_ some more _scar-tissue_ , Bats." The joker bit his lower lip and raised an eyebrow at Bruce._ _

__Bruce twisted his wrists free, grabbed the Joker's waist, flipped him around, and slammed his arms above his head, reversing their positions in a swift motion. The Joker moaned and pushed up against Bruce's body._ _

__Bruce licked his lips and whispered gutturally, "So do you."_ _

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_fin._


End file.
